Wednesday, April 15, 2009

The Compromise Caper (A Story From The Chocolate Team Files)

The leader of the Chocolate team, Chocko, was worried. Ice Cream had just been in a big fight which Lollies had won, rendering Ice Cream motivated and desparate for the next struggle. Biscuits were also lurking, looking for a win.

These Impulses were always in conflict with one another, jockeying for position to get the tactical teams on side. The Brain was a very complex place, full of competing factions and bizarre relationships.

Chocko paced around his small cubicle of the cortex figuring out how to emerge triumphant. Well, this is why he got paid all those neurotransmitter hits. Time to get to work. He rallied his team;

"Okay guys. We need the next victory. Our bonuses are at stake. Think. What can we use this time?"

Silence. Chocko noticed a disturbance a few neurons down but ignored it. One of his new recruits, recently graduated from Milk, piped up,

" Why don't we suggest a few tears? Used to work back in the day."

One of the older stagers smirked,

"Listen mate. This ain't kindergarten, tears don't work no more."

The disturbance started getting louder, its cause had come closer. Chocko looked out and saw a band of young'uns dancing up, getting closer. They'd escaped from the Babysitters. This was going to be bad news for everyone. Once they escaped anything could happen whilst the control squads were sweeping all the cortexes. Their chants started to fill the cortex with sing song voices,

"When we were two we did a poo" , followed by;

"When we were three we did a wee".

Chocko ruefully shook his head and hit the Parental Impulse Alarm. He turned to his team, trying to get the meeting back on track

"There's one thing we can try. It won't be a big win but its ..." he was interrupted by the chanting

"When we were two ..."

He signalled over to Ice-cream

"...its something which may be useful for the future."

The chant continued

"...we did a poo!"

The Ice Cream Team Leader came over, "What's happening? Trouble, eh?" eyeing off Chocko with the eyes of a dingo leering at a new born lamb.

"When we were three ...."

Chocko was wondering what had happened to the control nazis. The Young'uns needed a quick smackdown.

"...we did a wee!". They got the last chant out before a line of Beige Shirts swamped them. They vanished into seeming nothingness and then the beige wave simply flowed away.

Chocko restored his composure,

"Look, Icey. Here's the rub. Lollies and Biscuits are getting way too much. We need to come up with a new strategy, because we're both hurting., not getting enough wins. I have an idea."

Icey nodded. Deep down she knew Chocko was on the money. "Okay, Mr Brown. Shoot."

Chocko hesitated, gathering his thoughts.

"Right, here it is. We split this one 50-50. We go for chocolate coated ice-cream."

Icey didn't budge. She was thinking it through. She looked down the cells where the Sex trainees were still in nappies. They wouldn't be a threat for a while. The Senility crew weren't due to advertise for crews for decades yet. Alcohol, Nicotine and Narcotics were barely a bump in the radar. They may never be activated. Incontinence also was a long way off except for rare appearances when Curry or Bad Meat got things wrong. Ice Cream and Chocolate were sure-fire long term career prospects. Together, they could carve out riches for themselves for years to come.

"Okay, we'll split it. I"ll get my team moving, you scope out Tactical." Icey moved off back to her own crew.

Chocko smiled as he turned back to his team,

"This is the dawn of a new era. Today we launch an alliance unheralded in Brain history..."

The ten year old Therbs was next in line as an ice-cream truck pulled up ten metres down the road from his house. He was first in line having tracked its siren song for the past few minutes.
He was oblivious to the battles which had raged in his brain, simply repeating his own prayer;
"Chocolate ice-cream, chocolate ice-cream, chocolate ice-cream,"

He thrust out an eagerly fumbled coin to the dealer.

"Choc heart thanks mate!".

Yum! Everyone wins!


  1. Yummmmm... Choc Heart... Yep everybody wins.

  2. Pity Chocky and Icey never saw the big, bad, evil overlord sneaking up behind them which would do for them in the end and would rule supreme over all of brainkind. I give you... Bacon.

  3. Mmmmm...chocolate...(Homer drool)

  4. What ever happened to jamming lollies onto your chocolate ice cream?

  5. I'm addicted to those ice-cream sandwiches - so good!

  6. Al, Barnes, YD - simple innit?
    Dr Y - oh yeah, bacon. There's not enough interweb space to talk about bacon.
    Naut - nothing. Its still encouraged.
    Lermie - Maybons or something? There used to be Eskimo Pies as well.