Cracking Wise

Some time ago back in the before time at JS, I wrote about the improbability of Karl Marx making it as a Marx Brother. I couldn't imagine him getting half a sentence through explaining "Surplus Value" without the boys destroying him. They certainly wouldn't keep him as a pet a la Zeppo or Margaret Dumont While Karlo would be droning on about the alienation of the worker from his labour Harpo would snip away the bottom of his beard and hand it to a blushing Margaret Dumont to use as a merkin. Groucho would then set it on fire, retrieve it and light his cigar. Then put the flaming merkin back. Which brings me to the cigar chomping man and a few other heroic wisecrackers.

Say, can I buy back my introduction to you?

Groucho was the champion of the witty retort, the razor put-down, the leer, the eye-brow wiggle and basically anything to get a rise out of people. So who else do I rate?

Gotta have Bugs.

Yooh hoo! Say Mac, are you looking for me?

Bugs was master of outwitting a series of bungling fools and giving them a few cool jibes. He was one of my faves. He was tres smart.

As was Colonel Hogan.

Carter, get Klink's car ready. I have a date.

Bob Crane played this role to perfection. Never ruffled and always had an ace up his sleeve. He wasn't averse to giving the Krauts a verbal pasting.

Finally we have Hawkeye.

Hey, Frank! Kellogs want their diploma back.

Hawkeye was great when he had Trapper, Henry and Frank to play with. He was good when BJ came along but with Winchester on board it became all tosserish. Without Henry and Frank the lameness was never going anywhere but north. Hawk simply became too damn preachy, which should have been left to Mulcahy.

I haven't kept track of wise-cracking heroes over the past couple of decades mainly because sitcoms tend to be more ensembles consisting of insipid unfunny people attempting to wring the obvious out of the even more obvious. They don't seem to have a defined front man with the sharp quip and the cunning plan. I may be wrong and you bunch of wisenheimers are free to set me straight. To quote Groucho.
- Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know.