Monday, October 25, 2010

Pomcopaylpso Blues

Here in the eastern bit of Sydney and more specifrically around Bondi we've started to experience the oncoming tide of the seasonal Irish/Brit ratsacker infestation.  "Hit 'em high, hit 'em low, hit with the old elbow" doesn't quell what is a tidal force.  Its gonna be bad this season because of The Ashes.  The Barmy fucking Army are coming back and they are a right fucking bunch of pommy tourist bastards.  Any national group on tour is best avoided, just look at what happens when a Contiki bus rumbles through Rome.  The Caribineri lock and load and wield their machine guns with suitable menace when they that bus full of aussies and Kiwis rock into town.  The Barmy Army is if anything, slightly more organised and more mature but more loud and obnoxious 'cos they know its the last hurrah of youth.  After an Ashes tour its settle down with kids time so its no bends, straight on it and stay on it.  The silly fuckers drink VB.  Just shows you how fucked they really are. Now the problem is we don't have gun-toting crazy wogs in uniform like the Caribineri to scare the poms.  The only gun toting wogs we have are too busy shooting up houses in the south western suburbs of Sydney or playing at being hitmen in places like Rushcutters Bay and Hornsby.  Well, not really Hornsby, just sort of threw it in because I like that name.  Horsnby. Sounds trustworthy, sort of solid.  Anyways our lot are either doing those things or are already serving time for drug and weapons related offences. And the only uniforms they wear are taken straight off the shelf of Athletes Foot. So what to do about summer?  Go to the beach in non peak hour periods, get used to stereo battles and make sure I'm well stocked in beer and whiskey.  And maybe play a couple of away games.  I just hope that Michael Clark gets adopted by England and they take him home with them.  The dozey tosser.
Okay, fuck the spell check, straight to publish.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Sweet Whisky

Okay, this starts with whisky and ends with whisky.  Last night after boozing up in grand style I decided to do a taste test to decide which is best, Jamesons or Bushmills.  For the life of me I can't really remember which of the liquids came up trumps but I'll take a wild stab at this and go Jamesons.  It was the last one I had and by jingies I'm still drooling 15 hours after the fact.

Backtrack a bit to a couple of week-ends ago when the old family home went up for auction.  We smashed the reserve and did really fucking well so my bro and my sisters were very fucking pleased and I was so chuffed I went and bought a bottle of an old fave, Makers Mark.  Its since disappeared.  Lovely stuff.  So last week-end was a public holiday week-end in Sydney and we ordered a big fuck-off rubbish skip for the old house and did some major trashing of the old contents.  It was hard at times as my sis, my bro, my bro-in-law and I went through everything we hadn't previously dispersed.  I'd grown up there and was still going there once a week until the furniture was taken by the Salvos, bless their Red Shield hearts.  I found all sorts of crap under the house.  My bro had this big sledge hammer and by fuck it was fun smnashing shit up.  Really taking big hard swings and releasing all this balled up emotional angst.  It was a hard day both physically and emotionally so on the way back to my shoebox I stopped off and bought a bottle of McKenna bourbon.  Most of that has since disappeared.  This fucking bourbon I buy doesn't last the fight.

So on my way home tonight I'm fixing to buy another bottle to go with beers to go with the Bathurst 1000.  Fuck yeah!  This year as always I'll be supporting Holden.  What does Ford stand for?  Found On Rubbish Dump.  Backwards it means Driver Returning On Foot.  Unfortunately for the blue boys they're running out of half decent pilots ever since Craig Lowndes and his homies went back to Holden.  Fuck Ford anyway, go Holden!
Before I forget, props to Dr Yobbo for wanting to tease out the best testicle jokes, given that he's doing a Lance Armstrong over the next couple of days.  Best wishes Doc, recover well!  And we'll definitely crack on about it next time you're in town, down at The Rocks,
Did everyone know that Spy Nat has taken up Scientology?  She's a funny one that chick.
Now its time to go and replenish the bourbon.  Gotta love shopping.  Hooroo!