Its happening. Our primate cousins have commenced their quest to oust us as masters of the planet. Maybe the chimp was pissed off with being called Brother Kwan. Perhaps the peanuts were no longer enough in these times of global economic catastrophe. Another suggested and more likely motive however was the British boarding school treatment which his master used to serve up. Despite their merits I have ruled out these motives. It is obvious that the chimps, monkeys, apes, orangutangs, crab-eating macaques and gorillas are now intent on doing us in and Brother Kwan is one of their shock troops. Yes, one day its performing tricks on a bicycle in a cute circus outfit, grinding an organ or fetching a coconut, next its extermination of the human race. Enough is enough!
Fortunately our cousins in Africa are doing their best to wipe out the silverbacks through direct and indirect means. Shooting them and clearing out their habitat is the way to go. But it is not enough. We must intensify our efforts across all of these species of pretend humans.
This is not speciesism, it is self defence.
Next time you're in Bali or India and think that the playful monkeys are cute, just think of Leilit Janchoom then catch up on some training.
Anyone for a banana daiquiri?
Not me, I'm off for a beer and to ponder the chances of winning a fortune at Randwick Races tomorrow. Oh, and the footy (NRL) starts tonight.