Friday, March 13, 2009

You Dirty Damn Apes!

Its happening. Our primate cousins have commenced their quest to oust us as masters of the planet. Maybe the chimp was pissed off with being called Brother Kwan. Perhaps the peanuts were no longer enough in these times of global economic catastrophe. Another suggested and more likely motive however was the British boarding school treatment which his master used to serve up. Despite their merits I have ruled out these motives. It is obvious that the chimps, monkeys, apes, orangutangs, crab-eating macaques and gorillas are now intent on doing us in and Brother Kwan is one of their shock troops. Yes, one day its performing tricks on a bicycle in a cute circus outfit, grinding an organ or fetching a coconut, next its extermination of the human race. Enough is enough!
Fortunately our cousins in Africa are doing their best to wipe out the silverbacks through direct and indirect means. Shooting them and clearing out their habitat is the way to go. But it is not enough. We must intensify our efforts across all of these species of pretend humans.
This is not speciesism, it is self defence.
Next time you're in Bali or India and think that the playful monkeys are cute, just think of Leilit Janchoom then catch up on some training.
Anyone for a banana daiquiri?
Not me, I'm off for a beer and to ponder the chances of winning a fortune at Randwick Races tomorrow. Oh, and the footy (NRL) starts tonight.


  1. Presume you're getting the Storm-Dragons feed at your local - speaking of simians, Big Stupid Dell's been disappointingly unstupid so far*. Staying away from the white lines anyhoo. Gould needs his head taken to with a length of pipe though.

    *Obviously intended to be in no way racialist, Harbo Singh styles

  2. C'mon Therbs, is it the monkeys or the frogs???

  3. Naut, probably both.

  4. Anything that kills a Thai man can't be that bad. I'm for the apes on this one!

    I hope you are ejoying the fruits of your wise betting strategy and a drowning in both snatch and money!

  5. Nat - okay, one banana daiquiri coming up
    Doc - 'twas the Storm-Dargons game. I think Dell's now at the stage where he can't decide what to go for, the lines, the booze or the puff. He's getting old. And I agree about Gould. In fact amongst my friends to call someone a "Goulding Gould" is a massive insult.
    Naut - the Frog's a galactic menace. The Simians are simply a planetary concern. But both are evil and need killing.
    Bangarr - correct
    Lermy - I understand your concerns but they won't stop at just one man. Saturday was fine.
    YD - that's what the Apes reckon.

  6. Gould - tool. Nuff said. But watching him squirm and seethe his way through his beloved tri-colours getting smashed by Souths yesterday afternoon was very entertaining. Couldn't have happened to a more deserving bloke.