Here in the eastern bit of Sydney and more specifrically around Bondi we've started to experience the oncoming tide of the seasonal Irish/Brit ratsacker infestation. "Hit 'em high, hit 'em low, hit with the old elbow" doesn't quell what is a tidal force. Its gonna be bad this season because of The Ashes. The Barmy fucking Army are coming back and they are a right fucking bunch of pommy tourist bastards. Any national group on tour is best avoided, just look at what happens when a Contiki bus rumbles through Rome. The Caribineri lock and load and wield their machine guns with suitable menace when they that bus full of aussies and Kiwis rock into town. The Barmy Army is if anything, slightly more organised and more mature but more loud and obnoxious 'cos they know its the last hurrah of youth. After an Ashes tour its settle down with kids time so its no bends, straight on it and stay on it. The silly fuckers drink VB. Just shows you how fucked they really are. Now the problem is we don't have gun-toting crazy wogs in uniform like the Caribineri to scare the poms. The only gun toting wogs we have are too busy shooting up houses in the south western suburbs of Sydney or playing at being hitmen in places like Rushcutters Bay and Hornsby. Well, not really Hornsby, just sort of threw it in because I like that name. Horsnby. Sounds trustworthy, sort of solid. Anyways our lot are either doing those things or are already serving time for drug and weapons related offences. And the only uniforms they wear are taken straight off the shelf of Athletes Foot. So what to do about summer? Go to the beach in non peak hour periods, get used to stereo battles and make sure I'm well stocked in beer and whiskey. And maybe play a couple of away games. I just hope that Michael Clark gets adopted by England and they take him home with them. The dozey tosser.
Okay, fuck the spell check, straight to publish.
Hey, it's getting on winter up in this hemisphere. We all need someplace to ride the season out.
ReplyDeleteA couple of years ago, I went to an auction of antique Deere tractors (as you may know I live near the Deere World HQ and Harvester Works). A big bunch of damn Australians came up and were buying all of the tractors!
No cricket season to speak of over here - the local oval is getting ripped up and extended so we can host proper international teams rather than shithouse Z-graders like Bangladesh and the West Indies - and the only team NZ is hosting this year is Parkistarn, so at least the TAB will be busy. They'll have to change the ads from 'Two teams... one outcome... can you pick the score?' to 'Can you pick the number of no-balls bowled in the 73rd over?'
ReplyDeleteActually since the last time I went to an Ashes test in Oz - would have been the home series before last - they've cracked down on people having fun in the ground something chronic so expect to see some of those lobster-sunburnt city boy tossers being frogmarched out of the ground by suitably huge and grumpy security types. Muahahaha
YD - don't mind people coming to sunny Sydney but its when we get swarmed I start firing up. As for tractors, yeah, we love stuff that digs shit up and cuts shit down.
ReplyDeleteDoc - I used to be a member before it got all overblown wanky style and I mean corporate wanky. The non-members only get to drink mid or low strength beer which is utter crap at $6 bucks a pop. The poms will no doubt fire up at The Cook or The Olympic beforehand and afterwards then attempt to take on the security nazis. Somehow it doesn't seem worth going.