Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Disneyland - La La Town

I looked around the room a second time, rolled out of bed and did those post-drinking, post-long haul flight checks; breathing, dizziness, headache, fogged up feeling, aches and pains.  I felt pretty much ready to rock with a slight headache and a gentle listlessness.  I showered, dressed and went lookiong for food.  The Holiday Inn Feedlot wasn't for me, I wanted to sample a genuine greasyspoon Americcan breakfast.  Took me a couple of blocks of walking in the Anaheim sun but I found one.  I ordered eggs (over easy), bacon, grilled tomatoes, mushrroms and hash browns on the side.  The orange juice was served in a large glass (unlike the recession thimbles they used in England) and the coffee was very ordinary; no espresso or capiccino, just the pot they keep on the warmer.  The food was okay in quality but generous in quantity.  A plate full of bacon, another with the tomatoes and mushies and another with the hash browns.  So that was me sorted for at least another six hours.

I went back to the hotel after stopping at a minimart to stock up on basics - coke, juice, a loaf of bread, some cold cuts, cheese and a bag of pistachios. I snookered that in the fridge along withg a six pack of Miller and then caught the shuttle to Disneyland.

Disneyland is fucjing big.  I know that's like saying the universe is big but Disneyland is still fucking big.  Not only in size but in concept.  It was the first of its kind and a great example of the scope of American imagination.  I validated my day pass and walked straight up Main Street.  I don't have a lot of notes on this part of my trip so details are sketchy but here we go anyway.  I walked around a lot, getting my bearings and trying to score dope off goofy.  He just diodn't want to play along.  Minnie seemed to have her own set of goons whose sole purpose was to thwart my attempts to goose her.  The goons succeded.  In amongst the walking I queued up for some rides.  The first one was a gold miners mountain ride which was okay, but then I hit the jungle cruise and the Pirates of the Caribbean.  The robots were passable and the rides themselves quite enjoyable, especially the water ones.  I rode the paddle steamer, the submarine (we avoided the giant squid - phew!) and capped it all off at Space Mountain.  That was one hell of a roller coaster ride and worth the cost of the day ticket.

One thing about Disneyland is its wholesomeness.  I went round behind some buildings to see if there were any desperate types finagling joints or blow but there was nothing.  I guessed the cameras would soon pick up on anything barred by Unlce Walt, manned as they no doubt were by a battalion of Disney Goons.  The food on offer was pretty much the standard of what you get at a football match or a baseball game.  Very fucking ordinary.  After a soldi day of hassling goofy,  taking the rides and getting cold shouldered by Minnie it was time for me to head home, Holiday Inn home that is.  I was feeling hungry so after getting cleaned up in my room I did another look around and found a small hole in the wall eatery.  Got myself a four buck steak with fries, coleslaw and potato salad, all of which seemed surprisingly fresh.  What I next needed was a beer so it was back to the H.I. for a sharpie or two.  After a couple of draughts I suddenly felt all funny, like tired and washed out.  Ahh, sweet jet lag, carry me home.  I managed a quick shot of JD in my room before crashing out.  Next day I was off to L.A. proper to check out the real La La Land.

I woke up feeling very chipper and went and sampled the Holiday Inn feedbag's breakfast.  I went easy, settling on the short stack with maple syrup and butter plus a big ojay.  They woukdn't sell me an espresso either, something I'd have to get used to, so it was pot coffee again.  With the meal they threw in a couple of hash browns which were the size of the local A-K phone book.  I guess they thought mini mountain of pancakes wasn't enough.  It was surprisingly good food, surprising because I had this preconception that American food would be pretty much homogenous goop as exampled by McDonalds.  Not that I thought Maccas was a true representation of American cuisine (there was also the Colonel and Pizza Hut) its just that I reckoned it would be okay but not really noteworthy.  Their breakfasts were starting to win me over.

I packed up my gear and grabeed the shuttle into LA.  I had a two night pass for the Holiday Inn and spent most of that cowed over by the flu.  It struck as soon as I hit Lala Land.  On the second day I hit Venice Beach and was amused by it.  It was sort of like Bondi on steroids but brighter and funnier.  Lots of street stuff, beach posing and scam merchants all up and down the main strip.  I decded a swim was in order and it felty good, hitting the Pacifric from its other side.  Didn't help with my flu so I went back to my hotel and sought comfort from Uncle JD and some flu tabs.  Before these took effect I checked my guide book for cheap dives, circled a couple for future reference and then zoned out, dreaming of cockroach hotels and starlets.  Not really, I actually didn't dream a thing, I was just pissed off that I wasted my good hotel nights on being unwell. 


  1. Hmm must add "spend a day annoying Goofy" and "get provocative picture with Minnie Mouse" on to my bucket list.

  2. Too funny!

    You'd have had better luck trying to score dope and cause trouble down at Camp Pendleton, the USMC base between LA and San Diego. Disney puts up with NO repeat NO crap at their establishments.

    And it sounds like you were here before there was a coffee shop every fourth building. Even here in the interior (some might say anterior) of the country, you can get a decent espresso.

    Oh, and welcome to the land of giant food portions. You won't starve here.

  3. Did you ever see John Safran's bit he did from Disney Land?

    That's kind of how I imagine you there.

    People look at you kind of funny when you say all of the theme parks in QLD would probably add up to one "world" in Disney Land.

  4. More gold Therbs. Shame that you couldn't goose Minnie!

  5. I always thought Daffy had the stash! Love your yarns and great to see you back Therbs Me Old Mate.

  6. LA LA LAND!!!1!
    Erm, just my favouritest Shihad song evaaarrr. Farking EPIC live. The Mokoriffic one would probably understand.

    Never been to the West coast... other than of NZ, which is full of rough as guts miners and rain, and of Australia, which is full of white wine drinkers... but the bro and his band lived in LA for a few months. Some genuinely terrifying tales of randomness there.

  7. Thanks for popping in folks. I'll be doing a weekly update on this trip. Wanna get through the LA bit quickly. Didn't rate LA that much.
    Moko - Goofy was dull. Next time I'll hunt down Scooby Doo.
    YD - yeah, 'twas afore Starbucks etc. We're talkin' 1986 here. Giant food portions worked for me. Breakfast would get you through a whole day. Gotta love those American breakfasts!
    Naut - Safran was da bomb! If only I could have been a tenth as silly!
    Lerm - Minnie was untouchable. Never trust a rodent.
    Nat - Daffy was doin' time when I visited. He was busted for selling plasticine as hash.
    Dr Y - But them West Coast girls, Doc. Them West Coast girls!