Phone Companies Are Death Mongers

It gives me the irrits that phone chargers aren't compatible. My battery is starting to show signs of terminal illness and there's not one compatible charger lying around amongst the dozen or so I could find here in the bureau. No, they're all clever sods which don't like each other's innnie and outie bits. Its like they're all gay and my phone is hetero (or vice versa).
Sure, I'm looking to replace my phone (Nokia) but I want to make sure that the new phone fits the three chargers I already have spread around Sydney. Its a simple thing. Stick to a standard you tossers! Didn't the Apollo 13 crew almost die because the oxygen supply hook-ups in the command and lunar modules were incompatible? So the near death of 3 astronauts has taught us nothing. If left to the phone companies, astronauts would die. Therefore its obvious that phone companies are killers. I bet Bell and Edison never considered that when they came up with their first talky jam tins on wire.* They are guilty by association. Bastards.
Its the sort of frustration which leads me to a bar seeking solace, companionship and merriment.
Bloody good idea.

* if any wanker comes on saying that it wasn't just Bell and Edison who could lay claim to inventing the telephone they can jam those arguments up the khyber. The same goes for nitpicking about mobile, cellular and landline phones. Just go with it, n'kay?